Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
