i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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