so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
