Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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