i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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