dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
