i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
