Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
