Im at strip club and am horny
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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