billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
