What a fucking waste of an outfit
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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