No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
