she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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