She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
