I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
