its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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