She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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