I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
