Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
