turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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