OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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