i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
