I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
