He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
