you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
