Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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