I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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