is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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