i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
