Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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