I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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