Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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