she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
