We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
