Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
