The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
