Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
