I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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