I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
