She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
