Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
