i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
