I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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