How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What did we do last night that was yellow?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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