I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
