Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
