Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need to sanitize my soul.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
