im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
