Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
