Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
