i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
