Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
